Now, those with unparalleled patience and a deep inclination towards self-punishment might have noticed a game on tonight between the Atlanta Braves and the Colorado Rockies at the illustrious, batter-friendly Coors Field in Denver.
For the popguns and cannons dwelling in the Braves lineup, Marcell Ozuna and Austin Riley have shown exceptional offensive power while maintaining appreciable batting averages. Sean Murphy and Matt Olson have managed to pump runs across the dish despite what I’d kindly describe as less than intimidating batting averages. On the mound, we find Bryce Elder who's been an engraved invitation to score. Nothing to write home about, unless your home itself also rocks a 5.57 ERA.
Meanwhile, the Rockies lineup batters have been absolute gentlemen... to the other teams. Jordan Beck, Hunter Goodman, and Brenton Doyle may not be quite as anemic at the poppycock plate as some of their unfortunate comrades, but I wouldn't fall into a deep, swooning admiration just yet. They’re backed by Ryan Feltner, whose 3.93 ERA is becoming rarer in Rockies' pitcher circles than a steak at a vegan potluck.
Now, history's a great teacher, and one whose lessons are tempting to ignore. The previous encounters between the Braves and the Rockies have an almost commendable inconsistency. However, rather embarrassingly, the scale tips slightly more towards the Braves, plucking feathers off the Rockies’ pride.
The season records make a compelling argument too. The Braves, with their middling 12-15 record, are looking like Einstein in comparison to the Rockies' 4-23. Recent results echo the same haunting melody. The Braves swing like a pendulum between victory and defeat, while the Rockies continue to get their pants in a twist frequently - though sporadically showing a bit of cheek with a hardly impressive win.
Now enough dilly-dallying. My prediction? Gather around, raise your glasses, and tip your waitstaff.
Albert’s Prediction: Atlanta Braves by 3